Hermione’s Racial Identity Crisis

I know, it’s hilarous. Anyway, Hermione here, presenting a post in which my sister Clara and I argue a bit and then say some really deep things. And to avoid any and all possible confusion: my name is Hermione, but that’s a different thing from the I-went-to-Hogwarts-J.K.-Rowling-Hermione, the Hermione who is suddenly having a racial idenity crisis, and the one this post is about. Grab your Earl Gray and chocolate chums, and delve into our brillantness. 

Hermione: So…Black Hermione. As in, the Black actress chosen to play Hermione in the stage production of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Several nights ago, Clara and I got bored. So naturally we went online and started reading controversial articles about Hermione suddenly turning into a women of color.

Clara: RRRRAAAGGGGGEEE ALL CAPS RAAAGGEEEEE KYTERDFKUTGFDGHDYGDJDZHTGFSJ #$^%^&*@#$!!!!

Hermione: Clara. Seriously?? Why are you suddenly turning into the Hulk?? You even told me yourself that you imagined Hermione as more Mexican looking while you were reading Harry Potter, and now you’re mad because she’s BLACK???! EXPLAIN.

Clara: TACO BURITO CORNDAGO> EAT ME U STUPID MUGGLE.

Hermione: Okay this was supposed to be a serious discussion post, not some freaky RACIST dump. And you spelled “Muggle” wrong!!! And you claim to be in RAVENCLAW… FOCUS CLARA FOCUS.

Clara: who kares boutspell ing? And little miss grammar, using “And you” twice in a row is dumb. So peeps here is my view on Black Hermione. I think when a girl reads a book she will imagine herself as the main character, no matter what race she is. I never imagined myself as Hermione, because I’m nothing LIKE Hermione. I imagined her with darker skin yes, but not as a Mexican!! How come when I say “darker skin” people assume I imagined her Mexican?

Anyway if Black Hermione upsets some white girls, so WHAT? They’re going to be upset because they imagined her white. Just remember, there’s a difference between being racist and having an opinion. Remember that peeps. So black ladies, be patient with the white ladies, and white ladies try not to be mean while expressing your opinion. Remember guys, respecting each other’s opinion is the first step on the road to racial equality. I think it’s pretty fair. The white girls got Emma Watson, and the black girls get Noma Dumezweni. And I don’t like the guy they have for Ron. He looks like a rat. And is it too much trouble to get him a red wig? Allon-sy 😉

Hermione: First of all, “Little Miss Grammar?!” UGH seriously? But okay, okay, I did chose the pseudonym “Hermione” for a reason. And when I was reading the books, yes, OF COURSE I imagined Hermione looking like myself. I’m smart. I have Hermione-ish hair. (Because we all know curly hair is the BEST kind of hair!!!)

So when I look at this black actress, of course I don’t see her as Hermione, because I have a certain image of Hermione solidified in my head, sort of a mix of Emma Watson/myself/fan-art/everything else. And doesn’t everyone? I mean, it doesn’t really matter if Hermione is portrayed by a black actress or a Hawiian one or an Asian women or whoever, because no matter how Hermione looks in any stage production, we all still have our unique mental image of her.

It’s no different than the rest of the Harry Potter characters; I sure did not imagine Ginny as that spineless twit they had in the movies! But back to Black Hermione, Clara do you remember that terrible thing we read online that said all white people are “f***ing racist?!”

Clara: Okay that was totally not called for. I am not racist!!!! The only racist one is the girl who made that comment. So the funniest post I saw online was this white girl’s. She said that Black Hermione wasn’t possible because Black people aren’t smart enough. She used Dean Thomas (who got a D in potions) as an example. The killer was, she spelled “Potions” wrong.

Hermione: Yes, alas we cannot all be as smart as me. SPELLCHECK is there for a REASON people.

Clra: blep spellig be over-ated peps. Hahahaha to all the crazyies like moi. KEEP MISPELLIN imdo ne know. By.

Hermione:

I will postpone murdering you so we can finish this post. But I definitely think the word “racism” is tossed around so much some of its meaning gets lost. It is no longer a word that unquestionably points to prejudice, hatred, and bigotry. Rather, the word is turned into an excuse to act or behave a certain way.  Saying Blacks are better than Whites is just as racist as saying Whites are better than Blacks. Seriously.

Clara: Me agree

All right, there’s our opinions on the casting of a black Hermione. (With a bonus opinion on a Scabber-ish looking Ron. People really DO end up looking like their pets!) We’d love your opinions on this matter! If you hate us now TELL US!!!! This silence aggravates me (and Hermione too I’m sure).

Allon-sy!

Aww it’s the next generation golden trio!! So precious!!