Story Ca{n}non One: Of Pirate-Dragons & Poisonous Dramatics

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78% of book bloggers are also writers.

Actually, that is completely untrue. We just totally made that fact up—though, isn’t that kind of an oxymoronic statement? “Making facts up?” Suffice to say, it IS true that lots and lots of bloggers are also writers. And so it should come as no surprise that both of us are writers. Actually, we make quite the good writerly team, because Clara is a wicked plotter and Hermione is the Queen of Character Development.

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This brings us to today’s question: What is the thing that a writer needs most? Um, chocolate, coffee, a fortress of solitude, a personal slave to bring them almonds from Persia? Those are all very valid answers, but we’re going to answer said question with one word: “Creativity.” And what is the best way for an author to keep his/her creativity up?

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THEY MUST BE SPASTICALLY AND IRRATIONALLY CREATIVE.

Trust us, this is logical. To be creative, you have to take an active role in stimulating those creative juices. Sometimes this can be done by external forces…you hear a song, and your mind produces a plot bunny. Other times, you just got to…well…you gotta do something like what we’re doing here.

What are we doing here (other than being Glorious Queens of Asgard who want to take over the blogosphere and are also very excited for Thor Ragnorak)?

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November 3rd CANNOT come soon enough!

We are starting a new feature, peasants. It’s pretty simple: we take one of those interesting Tumblr/Pinterest fan-arts/graphics/quotes, and we use it as a story-starter. It’s like the writer version of that Silly Sally game we used to play as small children.  We called it “Story Ca{n}non” because we are sort of jump-starting a story (like, with a cannon), and we also theoretically creating something that could one day be “canon.”

See? CREATIVITY.

(And the necessary disclaimer: Any and all of the graphics/fan-art used in any of the posts in this feature series belong to the original artist. We make no claims on any of the art that we use. If by some crazy chance we end up using your art, let us know in the comments, and we’ll link back to your Tumblr/blog etc. Copyright is confusing. This is our best effort not to break any laws.)

Shall we begin? Today’s picture (courtesy of Pinterest):

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Hermione: Alright, personally I think this picture is meant to be more metaphorical, but for the sake of the post, I’m going to take it literally. SO. This small girl is renowned for her ability to grow poisonous flowers from her head. She is raised in captivity, and her flowers are sold out to the highest bidder—or really, to whoever desires to murder someone via untraceable poisonous flowers.

Clara: But there is more to this girl than meets the eye. After years of captivity and mistreatment, she cracks. She poisons her captors and escapes into the woods! Did I mention she has only a sack and a fork to help her survive????????

Hermione: In the woods, she meets a beautiful boy with a golden horn growing out of his head. Naturally, Small Girl is wary of strangers…until she realizes that this boy is insane. He yanks one of the flowers from her head, eats it, and dies. Small Girl cuts off his horn to use as a weapon. Suddenly, a pirate steps out from behind one of the bushes and yells: “How DARE you MURDER my son!”

Clara: Small girl is distraught. She attempts to cram a flower down the pirate’s throat to silence him but before she can he SLICES OFF HER HAND!!!!!! Small girl crumples to the ground. The pirate stuffs her hand in a sack and runs into the woods.

Hermione: Small girl eventually wakes up and staggers off into a nearby village. She rests up for a couple of days, slowly learning about the lives of average peasants. However, soon strange rumors begin to circulate: a pirate captain has found a hand—and in the veins of that hand flow unquenchable poison. He is currently gallivanting about, killing people. The girl is immediately ticked. She is the only one who ought to be in control of those sort of powers. So she commandeers a ship and goes after the pirate.

Clara: After searching for many weeks, small girl catches up to the Pirate. She wants nothing more than to kill him and reclaim her hand, but her common sense wins out. She waits until dark when she knows the pirate will be out poisoning people with her hand.

Hermione: The girl makes her way onto the Pirate Ship, and slips into the Captain’s cabin. She searches the cabin for her hand, but cannot find it. Suddenly the pirate lunges to his feet, and transforms into a huge, golden dragon. The pirate ship explodes. The Dragon grasps the small girl in his talons and flies off with her to his outpost in the Fire Hills. He deposits the girl into a slick, metal cage and slinks away. “Where is my hand?” the girl yowls. Just then, she notices that she is bald…all of the poisonous flowers have peeled themselves from her scalp and transformed into fairies.

Clara: The fairies told small girl that the pirate was centuries old. He wanted to rule the universe, so he needed a weapon that would him allow to kill lots of people with minimal amounts of effort. When small girl was born, he cursed the fairies to grow on her head as poisonous flowers. Now that they are free, they want REVENGE.

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Give us all your thoughts in the comments! How should the story end?? Would you read this if it was a YA book? What do you think of our new feature? Should the Small Girl and the pirate fall in love (because that could be a *killer* ship, pun intended)???

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