Hi, I’m a blogger and I’m addicted to sorting fictional characters.
So if you thought this was merely a blog for some caustic book reviews, you were sadly mistaken. Here is our own version of the Sorting Hat, stolen from Hogwarts and enhanced by our imaginations. And obviously, given the name of this of post, we are sorting more than YA book characters. Sorting Hat Anonymous is for all fictional characters, and last time we checked, Captain America is a fictional character, right? (Unfortunately…)
As nobody this side of Hogwarts has actually had the Sorting Hat plopped on their heads, who knows if the Hat sorts based on personality or personal values? We’re going to sort like this: we’ll look first at the character’s personality, and what house the Sorting Hat would suggest for them, and then we’ll consider what house that character would actually want.
THE BLACK WIDOW
Natasha Romanoff (Slytherin)
Obvious much? Natasha’s cunning, self-reliant, and charming. She knows how to play with different versions of herself in order to get what she wants. And who says Slytherins are always evil? Once Natasha claims her corner, she’ll fight for it tooth and nail.
Clint Barton (Hufflepuff)
Determined, loyal, tolerant, trustworthy, dependable, practical…we could go on. He’s proof that being a Puff is nothing to be ashamed of, after all, he’s no weak link in a fight.
Tony Stark (Ravenclaw)
He’s a stark raving Ravenclaw: smart, clever, independent and creative. Tony’s got a cynical view of the world, and it comes out in his witty sarcasm. He’s the perfect example of someone who can be both logical and impractical (think Ultron).
Steve Rogers (Gryffindor)
Steve seems like a clear-cut Gryffindor, doesn’t he? Yet his personality makes him more of a Slytherin. Steve is a fantastic leader. His ambition pushes him to do whatever it takes to get the job done-he wants to get into the army but can’t, so what does he do? He lies on his enlistment forms, on official federal paperwork. When Bucky plummets from the train, Steve’s strong sense of duty keeps him from taking a suicidal jump after his best friend, and he instead pushes on to get the mission accomplished. But none of this takes into account the other side of Steve’s character. He never would have allowed himself to be put into Slytherin, and in any case, he has an awful lot of Gryffindor characteristics: passion for what he believes, an idealized view of the world, and an aversion to liars and manipulators.
THE MIGHTY THOR
The Less Mighty Thor (Gryffindor)
Okay, so we’re a little anti-Thor. Maybe that has something to do with that fact that one of us is Ravenclaw and the other a Slytherin? Because if the house of Gryffindor had to be represented by one person, it would definitely be Thor. He’s noble and passionate, for starters. He snogs mortals…er, has strong morals. His personal values of honesty and trust tend to make him wary of more manipulative people (cough, cough LOKI).
THE INCREEDIBLE HULK
Bruce Banner (Ravenclaw)
Aside from that whole issue with him occasionally turning into a big, green, rage monster, Bruce is 110% a Ravenclaw. He’s fond of learning for the sake of learning. He likes intellectual discussion (Science Bros!), and he has a questioning, analytical mind; so there’s no doubt that he would have seen Ravenclaw as the perfect place to express his creativity.
We’ll sort some more Marvel characters, at a later, classified date. And remember 40 days and counting to Captain America: Civil War!!!